Tag Archives: tamales

Proof a Redneck God might exist

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I’m not some bro hunter sportsman but that doesn’t mean I don’t get crunk as hell when I’m presented an opportunity to crush venizen. That’s a fancy word for deer meat. Over the holiday I was given a couple pounds of ground deer meat and I’ve been sitting on it since then. My coworker hooked me up and he’s been hustling me to create something noteworthy.

It’s as if Devine light from KC’s atop a CJ7 were blasting down upon me.

I present you with deer tamales. Yes, it took a couple pain staking hours but eff it was worth it.

I’d share the recipe but I’d lose my business idea.


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I’m the tamale king

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Fr0255

Do this and win.

Pork filling

•1lb pork
•4 cups water or enough to cover pork
•1 small onion
•1 clove garlic
•Little salt

Boil then simmer 1 hour

Masa
•2 cups masa horina
•1 table spoon baking powder
•3/4 teaspoon salt
•1 1/4 cup broth
•2/3 cup lard or vegetable shortening

Melt lard in small pan.
Mix dry indredients whisk well
Wisk in lard adding gradually, blend with mass real well, looks chunky at this point
Now add stock wisking hard and really get it.

Peanut butter consistency

Put in bowl and cover.

Chile ancho salsa
•8 dried ancho chiles
•2 cup water
•1 clove garlic
•1/2 cup tamale dough
•1 cup broth
•3/4 teaspoon cumin seed
•1 teaspoon salt
•1/4 cup whole tomato
•1 teaspoon sugar

Stem and seed chiles, add to boiling water. Submerge. Boil 15 minutes. 

Salsa
1 can of no salt dice dtomatoes
2 seeded japs
3 red Jap peppers I think serrano
4 chiles from a can of chipotle peppers, rinsed
1 small can diced green chiles
Salt
Brown sugar to taste
1 tblsp ancho chile powder
Garlic
Salt cumin

Process it. Nice and thick

Blend again
Prepare meat
Shred it and mix with salsa

Take husks and stand them in bowl so they drain liquid.

Spread masa on smooth side

1 table spoon on , you can use Saran wrap to spread.
1 table spoon meat

Cover with tamale leaves or wet dish rag.

Cook 45-1 hour

Masa  very tender should slide right out of husk.

Thank me later.

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Tamales take time

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I've had tamales all over town, some good and some bad. Since I'm a world class chef tamales are a weapon I need in my arsenal. Last weekend I set out to make it happen.

I had a list of ingredients which took 2 big name grocery stores and a Mexican supermercado to fulfill.  It's all about the corn masa. Google it.

In case you didn't know, you're gonna need an empty calendar, brotherhood, a bottle of tequila and vodka to make tamales happen. Start to finish took 4 hours and yielded 30+ tamales.

I roasted onions, garlic, Anaheim peppers, and japs. Food processed them with lime juice and cilantro. Threw that goodness in a pot and added 5 diced smoked habaneros. We boiled a pork tenderloin and shredded it. We mixed the pork and sauce then simmered.

At this point we were 3 tequila shots in. USA was owning olympics, obviously, so we were celebrating.

Finally we mixed up the masa and made the tamales.

Here is the worst part, I got too drunk to take a final picture. FUCKMYLIFE. The outcome was me having no tamales leftover. I think that's a good thing. My takeaway is to make double that quantity next time and get less drunk.

Have a great place we should visit? Let us know, offer to buy us a drink, and we can probably make it happen.

You're opinion is probably wrong but leave a comment anyway.

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Midday Memphis Pub Crawl

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Wolves, I had the distinct pleasure of administering a Midday Memphis Pub Crawl last weekend. My partner was Mike D, a fucking jack leg Yankee. His first experience in M Town, and it was epic enough. I probably crushed 20 VnT's.

Order of operations:
Brookhaven – forgot pic FML
Central BBQ – tamales and BBQ
Celtic Crossing – VnT
Blue Monkey – bar pic
Zinnie's – Southern Pecan
Bucaneer – bike pic
Bar Dog – meat ball, seared tuna

Memphis, I miss you.

Am I a genius? Yes.
Am I for hire? Yes. 

Have a great place we should visit? Let us know, offer to buy us a drink, and we can probably make it happen.

You're opinion is probably wrong but leave a comment anyway.

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Standard Operating Procedure – Town Pump

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I did a quick tally while bellied up at t pump, I’ve had 3/4 of the menu. That my friend is not a bad thing. I did learn some wild shit while bar side. Brace yourself. Town Pump tamales are in fact Doe’s tamales. Doe’s is one of those places I should fucking love. It’s got crunk old black men, it’s dirtier than shit, and the tamales are fire. The caveat is price. They are some proud mofos and charge you for it. Town Pump doesn’t sodomize you when you eat there so I’m pretty much a believer.
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Just when you thought shit couldn’t get any more real, they bust out the MOTHERFUCKING Sriracha. Town Chips, check. Queso, check, Japs, check. Sriracha, jizz my pants. My fear is the Sriracha bottle grows legs and walks out. Not that a bro would swipe hot sauce, but crazier shit has happened.

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In case you didn’t know, Narwhals are the unicorns of the sea, and I love tacos. In many cases, I relate dollar$ and cents to tacos. Let’s be honest, 1 taco = $1. That would be for a standardized taco. Juice heads, Town Pump has mini tacos… with red shells. You could theoretically carry a few in your pocket and use them as change. Imagine buying a tube of AstroGlide for $8 and 3 mini tacos. This is pretty stupid but it makes perfect sense. Also, I love their salza. Just in case you didn’t know.

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You know what else is up? Buffalo chicken strips on a sandwich with crumpled bleu cheese and some town chips. That’s what’s up’s. Brothers fuck sake, take your ass to the Pump. Play some shuffle board. Go on a Tuesday for karaoke and meet your future wife cause it’s crawling with slammies. Do all those things and tell me about it.

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Cheeseburger and Tamales – Arkansas Burger Company – LR

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Friday post happy hour I’d developed a strong desire for a burger. Headed down Cantrell hill to Town Pump and they were closed for the weekend! Promptly turned around for ABC. So I get there and 3 BIT’s, bros in training, were manning the fort. I’m not gonna turn this into a bitchfest but they needed a few more bros. ABC was jammed up. Cheeseburger plus JAPS will lift your stupid morale.

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You would think this plus had crunk as hell tamales. You would be wrong. I give them 0 outstandings out of 10. No amount of hot sauce were gonna save these babes.

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All in all, I wasn’t really there for the food. I was there with a bud I hadn’t seen in a while. That being said, burger was greasy as, and the tamales sucked. I will go back. Their GYRO is dope and the burgers usually kill. Plus, I didn’t get one, the milkshakes are noteworthy. Happy 4th. Spit on some Brits and sling some lead.

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Tamales – Town Pump – LR y’all

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As a rule of thumb I don’t dig Doe’s Eat Place, at least the LR location. I’ve had their tamales and they’re pretty clutch, however, the restaurant is fucking gross. Enter Town Pump: one of my favorite watering holes. I blog their food too much and drink too many PBR’s at this place. Last night tamales happened. Beef Tamales and Chili with big honking kidney beans. I fully endorse this appetizer.

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Xoxo LR. Jk fuck.

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